No one ever said that being a parent was easy, and I certainly didn't expect it to be a walk in the park. I had no idea, though, just how hard it could be. Don't get me wrong, I am head over heels in love with my child, but she is not an "easy" baby!
I also had no idea how challenging breastfeeding can be. Newborns eat every 2-3 hours. When they go through growth spurts it's even more often than that. Then, you have evening cluster feeding where it's more like every hour. I sometimes feel like a human vending machine! Plus, my kiddo refuses the pacifier, unless of course, the pacifier is me! I still refuse to give up because A. I'm super stubborn and B. I know it's best for her. But, it really does take over your life. I'm not sure how parents with other children do it!
At 5 weeks old, babies are supposed to sleep 14-18 hours per day. They generally aren't up for more than an hour at a time, and nap frequently throughout the day. Unless of course they belong to me. In which case, they prefer to take 30 minute catnaps so mommy can't get anything done. Then when they are awake, they are fussy unless they are being held or fed.
It may sound like I'm complaining (ok, maybe a little), but I assure you, I wouldn't give her up for the world. Just for fun, let's take a look at the last day or so...
11:15 pm yesterday - baby falls asleep
2:15 am today - baby wakes up - change diaper and eat
3:00 am - baby falls asleep in rocking chair
3:15 am - I put baby back in pack n play and baby's eyes instantly open so daddy takes her back in the nursery to rock her
4:40 am - baby wakes up again - change diaper and eat
5:10 am- baby falls asleep (I would normally pump after this feeding but was feeling sick so decided to sleep instead)
7:00 am - baby wakes up - change diaper and eat
7:30 am - I hear a crash downstairs
7:45 am - baby falls back to sleep and I go downstairs to see investigate. Dog has knocked Tupperware off of counter and eaten Jason's chocolate chip cookies that I made for his birthday
9:50 am - baby wakes up - eat and then change diaper. Then baby immediately poops in clean diaper. Change diaper again
10:00 am - dog comes into nursery and pukes up cookies. I pick up puke but don't have time to treat stain on floor
10:30 am - put baby in swing for 10 minutes until she starts screaming
11:00 am - change diaper
11:15 am - rock baby to sleep
11:20 am - decide to take shower before running going to visit daddy
12:00 pm - baby wakes up while I'm drying hair. I try putting baby in bouncy in bathroom while I get ready and baby screams bloody murder. I get ready anyway (don't judge)
12:20 pm - baby eats and change diaper
1:00 pm - we leave to go visit daddy. Have to park a mile away. I get out stroller and attach diaper bag. Stroller falls over because diaper bag is so heavy (no baby in stroller yet) and my water cup gets busted. Luckily baby sleeps pretty much the whole time we are visiting except to get up and eat some pumped milk that I brought
3:00 pm - leave daddy's office and go to get allergy shot
3:15 pm - stop at Subway and eat for the first time today
3:30 pm - have to pull over on the side of the interstate because a piece of my car is dragging. Awesome!
4:15 pm - finally get home - have to pee while baby is screaming bloody murder in car seat - change diaper and feed baby
5:00 pm - rock baby to sleep
6:00 pm - daddy gets home (thank God!) so I can do some laundry and write this blog post that doesn't even include 7-10 pm which is usually when baby fusses nonstop and wants to eat for 3 straight hours :) Like Sunday on Jason's birthday when he had to finish making his own dinner because she decided she wanted to eat all night!
So basically, this is the hardest job I've ever had. Is it worth it? I tend to think so (except during the screaming bloody murder parts). But, I have an entirely new respect for parents!!!!
Now for the good stuff! Pictures from this week. Except for on her 5 week birthday because, of course, I didn't take any.
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| Outtake from the 1 month pics |
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| Waiting on the doctor after I spit up on daddy |
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| Yay! I weigh 10 lbs 8 oz! Finally past my birth weight 4 weeks later! |
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| Hanging out in the swing |
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| Laughing at mommy's kisses |
EDIT: I left out the part from yesterday when I took the blender to the garage to make a smoothie. I know "they" say you aren't supposed to make it to quiet when babies are napping so they get used to having sound, but it's so hard to get her to sleep that I don't dare take any chances of waking her up!
Yes, oh yes, it is the hardest job you will ever have. Ever. The screaming will end, I promise. It may be a couple more months, but it will end. Though that may seem like a death sentence now, you will look back and think, wow, that went so fast.
ReplyDeleteYou will still be thinking that when she is 20, too. Hang on tight, it's a wonderful ride.
By the way, you are not a bad parent for showering, going potty, or brushing your teeth when your baby is in a safe spot and you can see or hear her. It is also OK for that safe place to be outside the bathroom. She will learn that you are coming back eventually. I would sing in the shower so she could hear me. Sometimes, all she could hear was me crying from being so tired, but it was the only time I ever got alone.
Nursing is hard, but bottles are harder. I had both kinds of kids. All are well-adjusted and successful, so don't think you are killing her if you quit. I wouldn't trade the years I spent nursing for the world. It gets easier when they start eating food.
It's ok to be tired. It's ok to be overwhelmed. If you get someone to watch her and you go out by yourself for an hour, you will miss her so much that you will run home. :)
Breathe deep. Shut the bathroom door for 5 minutes. You are doing great!